I know the title sounds complicated but here's the story.
A close friend had foster kids 30 years ago and teens being teens, one of them became pregnant with Stacy. Terry was in a bad place to begin with and having a child didn't help whatsoever. Her alcohol and drug habit consumed her entire being and my friend ended up raising Stacy until she was 7 when I took over Stacy's financial responsibilities, and although Terry wouldn't let me adopt her, I became her legal guardian. Terry continued to play VERY small parts in her life, mostly making and breaking promises but it was important to Stacy to try to keep her mother in her life. When Stacy was 16, she herself gave birth to a baby she named Cole but just as Terry wasn't a big part of Stacy's life, she wasn't much to Cole either.
When Stacy was 17, Terry stole quite a bit of valuable jewelery from her sister Kelly to support her drug habit. Of course a police report was filed by Kelly and Terry fled the state and has been gone the past 14 years. During this time, Stacy has married and has 2 more kids who obviously consider me their grandmother. They do have Terry's mom Pat in their lives also so they have never missed out on grandmother love.
Fast forward to this week. Cole is now 14 and graduated from Junior High Thursday. Terry came in for the graduation. My son-in-law and none of their friends have ever seen her. I am the only person they recognize as Stacy's mom and the kids' grandmother because I am the only one they have seen at family birthdays etc, so everyone was dying to see her. Tonight we celebrated Cole's graduation at a local restaurant and 20 people showed up as much to celebrate Cole as to see this woman they have only heard stories about. Stacy was really worried how her mother would look and act really fretted about it from the moment her grandmother informed her last week that Terry was coming to town. Stacy insisted that Terry not be present for the graduation but finally agreed that she could be at tonight's dinner.
Terry looks ok. She is off drugs (but still maybe drinking) but she is now 48 years old and the years of abuse have created a much older looking woman. It must have been tough for her to watch her grandkids' interactions with me, who in their eyes is their true grandmother, but she handled it extremely well I thought. She was very pleasant to all the friends who showed up, very warm to her sister (who was pretty surprised) and we had a super comfortable dinner.
Terry will be here a week but knows she can't stay because this is no longer home. She will spend time trying to get to know her grandchildren and maybe reconnect just a little with Stacy. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a mom and grandmom but just a little sad for Terry whose mistakes robbed her of the same opportunity all those years ago.
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9 comments:
That is sad. Thanks for explaining the whole story...somehow I missed it all of these years.
Wow, that's quite a sad story. I'm glad that you were able to have a comfortable get-together despite the problems.
What a heartbreaking story. Thanks for sharing. So good that you were there when Stacy needed you. Hard to believe the truth that this scenario plays itself out in every town in the country, over and over again.
Something is terribly wrong - but in the midst of the wrong there arises goodness, in the form of people like you, which glistens through the tears.
Bless you!
A sad story but it sounds like you provided many happy and stable chapters. Stacy is lucky to have you in your life. Hopefully Terry realizes this.
Lynn, Toni and Chuck really saved Stacy from the beginning when only beer was in the fridge.
Pam, to be honest there were times during Stacy's teen years especially when Cole arrived when I wondered how good a job I was doing but the fact that she waited until she was married and stable 8 years later to have more kids makes it all worthwhile and yes, watching Terry Saturday night indicates to me that she does realize the path she chose led to many sacrifices. She seems to have grown up also.
I'm with Lynn...somehow I've either forgotten the story or I just never knew the details. Terry's is a sad story but thankfully Stacy's is a whole lot better thanks to her having you in her life.
Joan/Lynn I know we are cousins but we really must have a family history meeting soon and get everything written down from Auntie E's and mom's family to mine and both of you so that 12 and 10 have some family history.
That is a great idea!
once we all get back from trips we must schedule some serious time. We did 12 continuous hours of Shogun and this is much more important.
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